Animated Atrocities 104/Transcript
The more things change, the more they stay the same, am I right? It was a little over a year ago that I reviewed the episode "Fairly OddPet," where, because the Fairly OddParents decided that they didn't have enough creative potential with their current cast of characters, decided that they needed to add a new one. Today, I'm reviewing another season premiere episode of the Fairly OddParents, where, because they decided that they didn't have enough creative potential with their current cast of characters, decided that they needed to add a new one. We got an emergency case on our hands today. This is the third time that the Fairly OddParents has added an extra character in a desperate attempt to maintain relevance. I'm sorry, it's actually the fifth time they've done this if we count Anti-Poof and Anti-Sparky. Yes, there's now an Anti-Sparky. There will probably be an Anti-Chloe too because at season 10, the show no longer gives a damn about Da Rules except when it's a way to artificially extend a plot. The premise of this episode is that Timmy is forced to share his fairies with another kid. It's kinda like that episode where Timmy was willing to lend out his fairies to Tootie, except Timmy is flanderized beyond all belief in this episode, it's probably the worst thing about it. Let's see where we are. The Fairly OddParents is now 15 years old. And this is the first episode of it's tenth season. I would say that this is respectable, except we're talking about Nickelodeon here; the life support network. And it is not respectable for a cartoon to go on and on forever. The point I'm trying to make is that our medical understanding of keeping a cartoon fresh for such a long time is an early science. After about 4 seasons, most shows start to decay quickly. We may see the signs before then. The show will start reusing concepts, flanderizing characters, have more and more animation errors, and the people who care about the show, either out of passion or for monetary gain, will desperately do anything in their power to keep it alive. And this effort tends to make the show worse and worse. The most common way to make the show worse in a desperate attempt to stay relevant is add a new character. Adding a mainstay character after the first couple seasons to your show is analogous to amputation. An amputation should only be done as an absolute last resort, and if you try to amputate an arm twice, you clearly have no idea what you're doing. It also doesn't help save your show. But let's see if the second amputation did what the first one couldn't as I review "The Big Fairy Share Scare." Ugh, that title... Oh by the way, they got an entirely new theme song for this episode. Timmy's still an average kid that no one understands Chloe's his new neighbor and she's ruining all his plans I absolutely love this new theme song so much. It almost sounds like a self parody, like if an episode from one of the first few seasons was going to make a joke about them adding a new character to desperately gain relevance, they'd play this theme song as a joke. Timmy: What? No! Leave me alone! My fairies! GET YOUR OWN! I'm going to keep bringing this up, but remember that episode where Timmy loaned his fairies out to Tootie, and all the other times that he's done nice things and been selfless, because he felt sorry for people? This episode starts with Timmy trying to sneak into school in a robotic suit to goof off in Mr. Crocker's class. Because Cosmo's a flanderized moron, he ends up screwing up Timmy's plan, with... dancing. Okay... Why would you put that in a robotic suit? This joke makes no sense. Hell, it makes even less sense than a self destruct button in a robot! In class, we get introduced to our new character, Chloe. Remember how I said that Sparky was the bane of all existence because he was incredibly stupid and his actions caused everyone around him pain? Well yeah, you can go too far in the other direction too. Chloe is absolutely perfect, which paradoxically is one of the worst flaws that you can give a character. Chloe is the textbook example of a Mary Sue. Let's go over the criteria, shall we? Criteria 1: They're impossibly talented in a wide variety of areas. Like Chloe! Number 2: They're seen as exceptionally nice, except for the main character that the author hates. Crocker: She's brilliant, motivated, and won the Nobel Prize for niceness! In fact, in a Mary Sue story, the main character that the author hates is written out of character in a negative way to make the Mary Sue character look even better by comparison. Number 3: She usually has no flaws whatsoever, or if they do have flaws, they tend to be seen as "cute" or "no big deal." Being too self conscious and unable to realize how good they are is one of the most common flaws of a Mary Sue character. Number 4: Everyone but the out-of-character main character will integrate them instantly to the cast, with no hesitation, no matter how farfetched it makes the plot seem. And finally, number 5: For some reason, they tend to have a traumatic backstory. One thing about Mary Sues though is the term is really only supposed to apply to fanfiction. But if I'm going to be totally honest, this episode is written exactly like a 10 year old's self insert Fairly OddParents fanfiction. I'm not kidding, it's point for point. Let's delve deeper into the episode and I'll show you what I'm talking about, where Chloe is literally stated to be an example of a perfect human. And we get her backstory of amazing achievements. Robot: Eject. Eject. robot malfunctions, revealing himself Crocker: GAH!! It's the ultimate nightmare scenario! Turners multiplying!! Okay, that line was actually pretty funny. Chloe: I'm sorry, Mr. President. I'm in class and I can't talk right now. Oh, don't cry. I'll call you during nutrition break. Wait, this reminds me of something... You see, Recess had an episode. It was called "Here Comes Mr. Perfect." Basically, it was about a character who was perfect in every single way, who was a transfer student to the class. And because he was so perfect, everyone pretty much hated him. The audience was also supposed to hate him. This episode is written exactly like that one without any self awareness whatsoever. Chloe instantly makes a lot of friends because... no, there really is no because. Everyone loves Chloe. It's almost like she already has fairies and made a wish that everyone really liked her, or that she was the most popular kid in the world. But because that concept would actually make sense in this show's universe, that's not happening. Timmy: You gotta be kidding. How do you even know her? Mr. Turner: She gave me a stock tip and now I'm filthy rich! First of all, I thought you were already rich. Secondly, from now on, I'm going to suspect that Chloe is guilty of insider trading. Cosmo: Yay! Chloe has a dog with a pocket! That reminds me. I know I'm, like, tempting fate here, but why isn't Sparky in this episode? Hell, why isn't Poof in this episode? Anti-Poof is in this episode. What? Does Chloe give you so few new ideas that you decided that it's necessary to have an episode where she meets Poof for the first time? And then another one where she meets Sparky for the first time? This is particularly insulting here, because it's showing to me that the show realizes how little Sparky and Poof can sustain an episode, or even an appearance in an episode, but they're just adding another character because. I love the logic here Running my car off a freeway caused it to break down. It was definitely a mistake to do that. I can fix it by running my car off the freeway! I know that Timmy isn't the most perfect child in the world, that's a good thing. His flaws, like his propensity to not think things through make him an interesting character and this an interesting show. But in this episode, he is acting uncharacteristically selfish. They've regressed him to a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when his ball has been taken from him. Cosmo: Guess who gave me a gift certificate for my new phone? SELFIE! Duck lips! and Wanda make duck lips and take a selfie Okay, this is really starting to piss me off. Unless you're a cartoon like South Park that gets animated in six days, it is impossible for an animated show to use things like memes and internet culture. An episode for a network animated show takes about six months to an entire year to create. Animation is a slow, tedious process. Internet memes die in about three weeks. Why do cartoons trying to be popular and hip now keep using this meme thing from 2013? So Jorgen says that Timmy's fairies are no longer all his. Jorgen: Due to overwhelming demand, there is a fairy godparent shortage. Yeah, that kinda might happen when you ban babies! It's very hard for me to believe this in demand when most kids don't have their fairies for even a single year before they blurt out their secret and lose their fairies forever. This also makes me wonder, what would happen if one kid who was sharing his fairies reveals the secret? Would the innocent kid also be shit out of luck? In order for a child to have fairy godparents, they must be miserable. Chloe is not miserable on any level. She's the happiest kid I've ever seen on this show. I know that I keep harping on about these rules in all my Fairly OddParents reviews, but that's because the rules are important to the functioning of the show. It's not just like SpongeBob forgetting that he's underwater. You see, a show about unlimited magic where the main character can do anything and just wish away anything that goes wrong because of it is a boring as fuck 'show! The rules are what's important for the show to have some kind of structure. Originally, back in the beginning, it was simple. They had a few basic rules like you couldn't force two people to fall in love. But because the writing got lazier, they force in more and more rules, spur the moment pretty much, that were harder and harder to keep track of, bastardizing the concept. On top of that, even though they don't care about ''Da Rules, they keep using Da Rules to artificially lengthen episodes and force in conflicts. What I'm saying is it's getting old! Just like the slapstick in this episode. It gets really repetitive, really fast. The Fairly OddParents' animation style was specifically designed to be a dialogue and situation heavy show, like the Simpsons. The Simpsons was a very big inspiration for the Fairly OddParents, I hear. Although I don't know how much I can actually believe that at this point since they knew that Poochie was a terrible idea! Jorgen says that there's a reason that Chloe gets fairy godparents, but he doesn't say what it is. Hey- Hey, Jorgen. She has a telescope and a rock wall in her bedroom. '''Your argument is invalid! How unhappy can she really be? Chloe: (...) because you'd just be part of the dream, and I'd be talking to my imagination, which is crazy! Am I crazy!? I'm going to say no. Talking to your imagination isn't crazy. You on the other hand seem to be crazy for other reasons. Chloe: Sorry. I went a little cray-cray there, but I'm good now. Yep, definitely a 10 year old self insert fanficiton. Kids only talk like this when they're making fun of adults who don't know how to use slang! Cray-cray? Really? Timmy wishes that he was as far away from Chloe as possible. Okay, mathematically, being on the surface, on the opposite side of the earth, is a further point away from the center of it. More importantly to the episode though, Timmy has been in outer space before. The center of the earth is not as far away as possible. Cosmo: Selfie with the mole people! Duck lips! selfie is taken Anyone wanna bet that the characters start planking before this episode is over? Have some fucking dignity! By the way, the center of the earth, as far away as possible from Chloe, is apparently in the sewer in front of Chloe's house. Did anyone proofread this? Did you watch the episode before you sent it out? Okay, another problem. For this entire segment, when Timmy is being a selfish asshole, Chloe does... nothing at all. Literally, nothing! She doesn't move from that one spot! She doesn't get mad that Timmy is doing this or even annoyed. She doesn't get sad that someone is doing this to her, which would paint her as actually miserable, she doesn't even get smug when what Timmy's doing isn't working. She just... stands there.It's weird and kinda creepy, to be honest. Timmy has another plan. He gets Chloe to say that she wants Cosmo and Wanda on Fridays. And then he wishes that there were no Fridays. to a Fridays restaurant Uh... Eh. Not too worried. Yep, Anti-Poof is in this episode, making Poof's absence even more noticeable. We learn here that every Friday, the Big Wand gets recharged. Oh my god, they're making up things as they go along! This episode is in critical condition! If they don't actually think through their connection to previous episodes, they could destroy any possible tension that this show could ever have! This gives me a very interesting concern. After Timmy makes a seemingly innocuous wish, that Fridays don't exist, and it has consequences that an outsider couldn't possibly predict, why the hell would Chloe want anything to do with fairies ever? I mean, I'd be paranoid that if I wished for a cookie, the Keebler elves would set fire to my house, kidnap and torture my parents, and then enslaved me to make cookies for the rest of my life. That's just about as logical as what's going on here to the average outsider. And once again, Chloe has almost no reaction. Jorgen saves everyone and forces Timmy to accept his lot in life. It feels a lot like Jorgen is trying to tell the audience the exact same thing. So Timmy wishes... Timmy: I wish for a fairy bot that will do all the stuff I don't wanna do! Wow, age, man. It attacks both your memory and coherence. First of all, we had an episode where Timmy was given his own little wand thing. It didn't work out. Secondly, I have no idea what Timmy actually wished for. The grammar is just butchered so badly. What it tries to do is just personal grooming, which is... weird. And gross. Chloe: Ready, guys? Cosmo/Wanda: Ready, Chloe! Chloe: I wish everyone in Dimmsdale would share everything! Oh boy.... uh... this can only end so well. Wanda: She made a perfectly lovely wish that everyone would share everything. If you say so... Everyone in Dimmsdale starts sharing everything that they own. Everything goes to very confusing chaos, very quickly. Like, they barely show anything going crazy at all. Immediately Timmy decides to end the wish before he or Chloe suffer any consequences whatsoever. And he can't because you can't unwish another kid's wishes. That sounds... not right. Like, they must've blatantly broken that rule like many, many times in the past. Hey, remember when "Fairly OddPet" had a kind of forced climax where something came out of nowhere to get Cosmo and Wanda to lose their wands? It's getting old! Chloe: It's happening again! I try to do something good and I end up making a big mess! Timmy: What are you talking about? You're little miss perfect! Wanda: Not exactly, sport... And you know this because...? Okay, the reason that Chloe is so miserable is because she occasionally screws things up. Well, no wonder you got a fairy shortage, because that criteria applies to literally every child on the planet! Chloe: See? I try too hard to fix things and I end up annoying people, destroying cities, and then no one wants to be my friend! Yeah, no one wants to be your friend, Chloe. Did you guys even read what you wrote? of everything earlier Crocker: Without further ado, I give you the perfect human! Chloe Carmichael! Chloe: I'm sorry, Mr. President. I'm in class and I can't talk right now. Oh, don't cry, I'll call you during nutrition break. Kids: We love Chloe! We love Chloe! Mr. Turner: I love Chloe! I love Chloe! I mean the concept that only miserable kids get fairies doesn't work when you mix it with a character who is perfect. And that was... whatever this episode's title was. I... I don't care. Look, it's 2016. "Fairly OddBaby," the defining moments when Fairly OddParents jumped the shark, came out in February of 2008. This seasonal rot era has been going on for eight years now. Out of fifteen! And unlike SpongeBob, no one, not even the network, is demanding that you keep the show going! I know that this is hard to hear to some, but Fairly OddParents isn't even on life support anymore. ''IT IS DEAD. ''It has probably been dead since those live action movies. There are only two ways the show can keep going from now on. It can either be like the Simpsons and basically be a zombie, moving around without really breathing and doing literally nothing, just taking up air time for all of eternity. Or it can be like Family Guy, and keep trying to do desperate things to drag in more viewers, digging into lower and lower depths. I'm still waiting on Cleetus the Rapping Shark. It's time to move on and leave this show in the past with any dignity that it might still have. Category:Animated Atrocities Category:Season 4 Category:Transcripts